Of L and H

Posted: September 24, 2009 in About Me, Fiction and Non-Fiction
Tags: , ,

I’m back at my sanctuary… back to the wings that protected me for years. And I’m beginning to wish I wouldn’t have to leave.

I’ve been fighting a war that’s been inside me for years. I learned to be a cynic. A thinker. Cold. Hard. A thinking machine.

I’m just afraid. I’m just using my brain. Cons weighed heavier than the pros. And if I have to write them all down, he can’t still understand.

Isn’t it enough that I care for him more than I should? Isn’t it enough that we get to see each other every week? Why is he asking for me to say it?

I can’t tell him I love him. If I do that, I’m already giving him the right to hurt me. If that happens, I’m putting to waste the years I’ve spent building my barrier. Creating my masks.

I just can’t risk that and expose the real me inside.

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