OCPD

Posted: March 27, 2011 in About Me
Tags: , , ,

I brush my teeth twice, wash my hands twice, I hate dirt, I want everything listed.  I do things always with a pattern, and tries to balance everything – from columns in a spreadsheet, to my stack of books.  I want to be on top of things.  I want every item on my desk in order – those that I always need goes to my right.  Those that I seldom need goes to my left.

Yes, I’m an OC.

Don’t get me wrong.  By OC, I’m referring to Obsessive–Compulsive Personality Disorder.  It’s a personality disorder characterized by perfectionism, preoccupation with order, and the seemingly need for control.

It’s not something that I’m proud of.  But it’s one of my flaws that I have learned to accept.  At times, it affected my work and my relationships.  Once, I cried coz while at work, a coffee was accidentally splashed onto my foot…  Had a failed relationship years ago because our ideas clashed.  He felt like I could’ve bend a little to give way to his suggestion, but since it falls under my no-no list, I declined.

Being an OC caused me to lose some things that matter… It also caused me to keep invaluable items.  But then, it’s not something that I can just let go or change.  It requires a lot of time and effort… and they’re not something I can afford right now.  Maybe, when the time’s right, I can let go of my OC nature… Until then, I’ll just get comfy with it.

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