What I Want

Posted: March 30, 2011 in About Me
Tags: ,

I was told I’m hard to please.  I was even accused that what I want isn’t what I need.  Well, that seems to be a bit confusing for me…  Coz I’d only want something if it would satisfy a need… or if that wanting would suffice an underlying need.

I need to be happy always.  Hence, I want chocolates.  I’ve been melancholic for so long that I missed a lot of good things – I missed appreciating things that did me good, and people who treated me well.  So, I decided I want to be happy…  And if the day did not turn out the way I wanted it to be, I’d invest in chocolates.  They’re my happy hormones.

I need to feel good all the time.  Well, who doesn’t, ‘ayt?  But even though you really want to feel good, there are rainy days… Days that really suck and you want to end it real quick.  But you can’t, so you’d have to wait until that clock strikes that it’s time to sleep… or go home… or have a break.  Until that time comes, you’d have to stick around, and bear that negative vibes.  In order for me to feel good all the time, I want cigarettes…

I would breathe in the smoke… and breathe out the frustrations.  It helps me feel good… It lightens my heavy load.  For whenever I’m smoking, it’s like I’m transported to that moment when I don’t need to care about anything, except to chill and relax.

However, there’s just one particular thing I needed that I can’t seem to address just yet.  It’s a need that’s been masked by everything I want.  A need so fierce that it consumes my whole being, forcing me to accept pretenses, and to settle with just a pseudo-kind of thing.

I need to feel content with what I have… but a part of me would always long for things I can never have.  I want it so bad, and yet everything I’ve done is like a never-ending quest to find that one thing that would make me feel content, and satisfy all the deep-seated needs I’ve neglected and buried deep inside.

  1. Raft3r says:

    Sometimes what we want isn’t really what we need
    Tama ba?

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