Flowchart of Emotions

Posted: June 21, 2014 in About Me
Tags: , , , ,

flowchart

She tried fixing everything.  She even changed, thinking it’s what’s needed for everything to be okay.  But it didn’t.  Things never got better.  Everything crashed.  Everything hurt.

She chose not to feel… to have her mind controlling everything.  She carefully extracted every ounce of emotion lurking inside her.  She kept them bottled up, and had a default reaction.

She kept to herself.  She opted to be alone.  If she’s by herself, there’s no chance that someone can hurt her, right?  If she’s alone, it’s only her who will matter.  She doesn’t need to give a damn to anyone, to anything… except herself… and what makes her at ease.

With a web of interlinked scenarios, and feelings as the outcome, she had devised a flow chart…  A process that would dictate how she will act, how she will feel when different situations are presented to her.

It all got well.  It all got better.  She believed she’s free from pain and hurt.  But it was short-lived.

Soon, the bottled up emotions had built-up.  The pain, the anger, the hurt and depression came in at waves.  She went back to her blueprint, checked back if there’s any course that would give her a way to deal with the magnitude of emotions she’s feeling…  Finding none, she tried to keep mum, tried to silence the agony inside her.

Now, she’s exploding.  No amount of tears can stop the pain.  No matter how many walls she’s punched, there’s still anger inside her.  So she did the only thing she knew…

She gave in to depression.

Staring at her lifeless eyes, she gave her knuckles the one last punch it was craving for.  She hit the full-sized mirror in front of her.  Hearing the shatter brought her out of the trance she was in.  Glancing at her bloodied hand, at the broken mirror on her feet, she bent and pick up one of the bigger pieces.

She knew that in her flowchart, what she’s about to do is taboo.  She knew that once she pushed with her thoughts, it meant she’d already given up… and it’s something that she never considered when she created her flowchart.

Shaking her self-guessing away, she held the broken mirror above her head…  Took a deep breath, and pushed its pointed end to where all her problems were coming from…

Her heart.

 

 

***Disclaimer:***
I do not own the image posted in this blog
Image taken from http://www.healerslibrary.com/flowcharts/Trapped_Emotion_FlowChart.pdf

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