Hits and Misses

Posted: December 21, 2014 in About Me
Tags: , , , ,

This year, I’ve had numerous hits and misses… In all aspect of my life.

I’ve been happy, been broken… been too afraid.  And got myself into an emotional roller-coaster that I didn’t thought I can get out.

I’ve been in love, been hurt… I’ve had an old flame hurt me physically and emotionally.  I was made to feel insignificant again.  I’ve ran away… I’ve pushed people away… I’ve kept some, but still kept them at a distance.

I’ve let go of someone because of my fears…

I’ve held on to someone I consider my rock.  Because during the time that I needed someone to help me get out, he was the only one who was there to give me a hand… I feel guilty… and thankful at the same time.  Guilty because I have hurt him before, but he still stayed.  I’m thankful because I know, he’s going to be here for me.

I’ve been hospitalized, my health deteriorated.  I quit a job and started a new one.  I don’t think I will last on this one too… But in a way, it helps me keep sane.

If last year, I’ve been bothered about my family problems, this year, I managed not to give a care.  Thinking of it will only hurt me.  I learned not to care so its easier.  So I would no longer think about infidelities, and losing respect for my father.

Just a few more days, this year will be over… Pretty soon, I’ll have another set of hits and misses…  Like every other year, I am wishing again for a better new year…

I don’t want another year of hits and misses.  I don’t want another year of believing that something good will happen to me.  Nothing did.  It will only be good for some time… but it will ultimately end with me questioning the very reason why I am still trying.

I’m done gambling.  I’ve had enough of hits and misses.

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