Again…

Posted: August 2, 2015 in About Me, On Relationships
Tags: , , ,

I’ve done it again.  I pushed someone away.  Someone who meant a lot to me.  Someone I wanted to stay.

I thought it will last.  We’ve been together for quite a long time now.  I’m not afraid to say that I can see a future with him.  But I let my fears take over.

A misunderstanding.  A pretty simple one that I have blown out of proportion.  It is after-all, my best talent.  I just have a knack of pushing people away, once I get to show them my vulnerable side.

I lost him.  I lost the person I love. Because I let my fears surface.  Because my trust wavered.  Instead of understanding and asking for explanation, I jumped into conclusions.  Apparently, I am not yet “cured” of my fears.

I bailed out on him instead of him bailing out on me.

I love him.  But I have also hurt him.  No amount of sorry can bring him back.  He decided not to, despite me swallowing my pride and saying that I still want him beside me.

I screwed up.  Big time.

And I have no one to blame but myself…  My incurable feeling of being inadequate…  My fear of being not good enough for anyone.

As I cry myself to sleep tonight, I can only dream of the what-have-been’s…  It’s the only thing I have left.

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