It’s Christmas…

Posted: December 22, 2015 in Random Thoughts

It’s Christmas.  I am supposed to be happy.  I am supposed to be on a merry holiday.

But I find myself far from it.  I find myself in a solitary state, trying to be away from everyone… Trying to be inside my shell.

I wore masks… Masks to show I’m happy.  Deep inside, there’s nothing I want more than to wallow in my darkness.

Yes, darkness…

Because I have learned that this season is not different from any others.  I realized that there’s no sense beating myself and try to be festive when all I want to do is stay in my cocoon, void of any light.

I just want to think.

I want to be by myself.

I want to have a good cry – for all the things that didn’t go as I had hoped.

Yes, there’s this gaping void inside me… a deep, seething darkness that I’ve been trying hard to suppress.

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