Giving In…

Posted: February 8, 2016 in About Me
Tags: , ,

For years, I’ve fought my dark side.  I tried to surround myself with light.  I tried so hard to be positive – to always look on the brighter side.

But now, I may have to embrace it.  Trying to be positive only made me weak.  I feel like people treat me as a worthless piece of trash… like I don’t matter.

I’ve been jobless since August because I want to focus on my school.  I’m currently taking up this Continuing Professional Education course – an additional 18-unit course required for me to take the Licensure Exam for Teachers because my college course was non-Educ.

I am proud of my first sem grades.  Proud that I can still learn something new.  It finally felt like I am taking a good direction.

Now, I hate how I am treated.  Just because I don’t have a work right now, I am treated like I’m worthless.  My siblings don’t respect me.  Hell, even my mother humiliates me in front of family and friends.

It’s like I am only worth something when I have work.  Like I only matter if I can provide.  Now that I have been jobless, focusing on my school, I am nothing.

Maybe it’s time to give in to my dark side – so I won’t be treated as crap.  I am far beyond my threshold of being strong, being positive.  Everything has their own limits.  I’m exhausted.  Maybe it’s time to let my other side take over.

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