An Escape

Posted: April 9, 2016 in About Me, Random Thoughts

I’ve been bombarded with negativity these past few weeks.  Too much negativity that I wanted to escape – just to breathe.

My thoughts are bombarded with what-ifs… with situations that ranging from valid ones, to wishful thinking…

Had we stayed where we used to live, will our family be broken like it is right now?  Will we end up how we are right now – lost and confused?  Will my father cheat?  Will my siblings take things for granted?  More importantly, will the bad things that I’ve went through happen?  Will I be shattered like how I am right now?

Had I chosen to face the darkness, will I continue to blame myself for every misfortune?  Will I be free of the insecurities that haunts me up to this day?  Will I feel like I matter?  That I am good enough to be blessed?

I feel like I am suffocating… that any moment from now, I will break down and cry for help.  The walls I’ve built are slowly crumbling, leaving me vulnerable from pain… making me susceptible to be engulfed in the darkness I once welcomed openly.

I need a trigger to keep myself from breaking…  I need to find a way to keep these negative energy at bay.  I want to be free.  I don’t want to carry these burdens anymore.  I’m tired of pretending I am strong for others.  I am tired of being an anchor.

This time, I want to escape.  To finally leave this abyss of pain and darkness that consumes my inner being.



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