Archive for the ‘Fiction and Non-Fiction’ Category

Trigger

Posted: November 27, 2014 in Fiction and Non-Fiction, Random Thoughts
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I knew in one way or another, this is how things would end.

I knew that soon, I’m going to break.

And I chose this day. There was nothing special.. Yet, I felt that if I do my plans today, nothing would go wrong.

I have a 100% chance of being successful.

So for today, I wore my best mask. The one that’s smiling… The one that’s all sunny and bright.

Today, I bravely faced each situation I got myself into.

And now I’m in my room, alone and free… I reached under my bed and pulled the best gift I have ever received.

This metallic gift, this shiny piece of steel. It would confirm my freedom.

I put the muzzle in my temple… Said a silent prayer as I closed my eyes…

And imagined the bullet’s path as I pulled the trigger.

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I’ve dreamed of someone who would be my knight.  In this dream, a lot of things happened… Things that confused me… Things I normally wouldn’t go after.

He was real, taking the form of someone I’ve seen before.  And yet, the words… the conversations… It’s as if he’s just taking someone else’s familiar face just to let me realize something.

He said I need to take things as they are, never expect,  never long for something else.  He came as a surprise.  The feelings I felt when I was with him was the exact opposite of how I thought I felt about him.

And I wanted to see him, to feel him again.  With him, there’s this warmth that I’ve never felt with the current one, nor with the others…

Do I need to go and look out for him?  Or do I need to wait for him?  The same way he came to me in my dreams?

I’ve shed tears for the end of my fantasy.  I had to let him go.

He made me realize that I can still fall when I want to.

 

I got angry, pissed at someone who either thought I’m dumb…

Or was secretly plotting against her…

(After what she did, I’ve lost the last strand of respect I have for her)

 

I found out it’s hard to keep up with a runny nose…

And it’s another cold December.

 

For the next few weeks, I can’t:

… Drink

 

… and Smoke

 

My Father’s here.

 

gusto kong maglaho, mawala.
gusto kong tumakas
gusto kong iwan lahat.
gusto kong maglaho, mawala
gusto kong umiwas
gusto kong mag iba ng landas.
gusto kong maglaho, mawala
gusto kong bawiin lahat
gusto kong kalimutan ka.

Isa akong bato.
Walang emosyon, walang pakiramdam.
Kaya kong manakit,
Pero di pwedeng masaktan.

Isa akong bato.
Naghihintay ng malakas na hangin.
Yung kaya akong dalhin..
Kaya akong tibagin.

Isa akong bato.
Nag-aabang ng malakas na ulan.
Nais na magpatangay
Sa agos ng tubig.

I Am… v.2

Posted: November 3, 2010 in Fiction and Non-Fiction
Tags: ,

… a Child.

An adult on the outside but a kid on the inside.

A resident of fantasy, a realistic pessimist.

 

… a Writer.

I weave poems, and stories…

Playing with words and rekindling emotions.

 

… a Hedonist.

Treating each day as if it’s my last.

I demand euphoria, not settling for just happiness.

 

… a Reader.

I try to learn from different books, magazines, and articles.

I don’t like the feeling of being ignorant.

 

…a Pretender.

I’ve mastered the art of hiding behind a mask.

I don’t want anyone to see the person behind each persona.

 

… a Blogger.

I post my thoughts, my rants, and raves.

It’s my gateway to fantasy and gatekeeper of my sanity.

 

Nawawala ako..
Yun lang ang pwede kong sabihin.
Yun lang din ang gusto kong aminin.
Basta ang alam ko, muli kong iniba ang landas na tinatahak ko.
Nasilaw ako sa ilang makinang na bagay sa kaliwa…
Samantalang alam kong liwanag ang nasa kanan.

Nawawala ako..
Di ko alam paano bumalik.
Tatalikod ba ako o magsisimula ulit?
Nagsimula na akong matakot… makadama ng hindi dapat.
Nagtatalo na ang isip at utak, maaaring muli akong bumitaw…
At kapag bumitaw na ako, babalik ang lahat sa dati.