Posts Tagged ‘Dreams’

Darkness…

Posted: September 7, 2014 in Random Thoughts
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I recently dreamt of being surrounded by darkness… I don’t know why but inside that darkness, there’s nothing to feel… Like it was just there, cradling me.

I thought it’s supposed to be frightening…  But there’s nothing in that space.  It’s empty, void.  Just thoughts, no emotions.

Darkness could mean a lot of things…  It could mean that I’m okay not knowing certain things – ignorance is a bliss…  It could also mean that I am waiting for something to happen.

I don’t know what to think anymore.  A million things are inside my head, and this recent dream of darkness is unnerving…

Like it’s supposed to tell me something but I can’t seem to put my mind into it.

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I’ve dreamt of the past… Of someone I have loved with all my being.  The only person who made me feel like I can do anything, believe in my self and that I’m strong.  But somewhere along the way, I lost him.  I lost him when we’re supposed to be happy… He was taken away by Death, taken to make me realize that I don’t deserved to be happy…

I’ve dreamt of the now… Of the person I’m starting to fall for.  It was a good dream.  A dream meant to make the heart flutter and think of happy endings.  Sad thing, it’s just a dream.  The reality is far from it.

I’ve dreamt of the monster inside me… the darkness I have tried keeping inside.  In that dream, I’ve let it loose… wreaking havoc in my life.  I’ve seen it taking over, finally taking over its claim.  I felt the raw angst, the aggression, the disregard for anything good.  I’ve seen how she looked at me, how she thinks so little of me.  The monster laughing in triumph with me losing my last shards of sanity.

I’ve been bothered by these recent dreams.  They all occurred in the same night.  No amount of distraction can take them off my mind.  My lifeline’s been busy…  My angels have seemingly lost their wings.

And here I am, trying hard not to sleep at night, to keep them away… To keep my thoughts clear.

But I know, my efforts were all futile.

2AM Nightmare

Posted: October 22, 2011 in At Work
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I’m an avid fan of crime shows like Law and Order, Criminal Minds, and all programs on Crime and Investigation. I’m also a reader of suspense thriller novels…. Murder, Conspiracies… They intrigued me.

I’m fascinated how suspects think, how they react to various situations. The psychology of how people ended up doing those crimes is like an evening brain exercise…. A battle between reason and logic… and of what’s justifiable or not.

A few days ago, this fascination caused me my first ever nightmare.

In that dream, I’m being chased by someone who drives this particular vehicle. He managed to kill 3 of my friends… I was forced to leave, assume another identity… and see my loved ones from afar. Eventually, he caught up with me. I couldn’t remember if a fight happened. The next thing I remember from that dream is that I am left to be dead, in an alley. Bloody… and near some dumpster.

That nightmare kept me awake until I can almost see the sun from my window. I kept on thinking about that dream… Was it because I watch crime shows until midnight? Or was it because a part of that dream is actually what I really wanted (my ultimate dream is to just disappear without a trace)?

What do you think?

Dreams

Posted: February 18, 2010 in Fiction and Non-Fiction
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He exists in my dream.

But he’s never a part of my reality.

He’s my only fantasy

That vanishes every morning.

 

He’s always with me

In my dreams, he’s there to guide me.

With each daybreak

I’d feel nothing but emptiness.

 

I wanted him to be my reality.

But he’s just a figment of my dreams.

He’s just another whimsical fantasy

That I’m bound to believe in.

 

A Dream

Posted: October 18, 2009 in About Me, Fiction and Non-Fiction
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I saw him in my slumber.  I could see his lips move but can’t hear what he’s saying.  He’s trying to tell me something.  Only I couldn’t seem to understand.  I’ve become deaf to his pleas.

When he finished, he turned his back and started to walk away.  I could see myself running after him but the distance’s still the same.  I can’t catch up.  I fainted in the dream.  When I regained consciousness, I saw doors, a lot of them.

I tried to open one.  But I don’t have the key.  I barged on each door.  Had knocked more than once but it still won’t open.  It won’t even budge.  Exhausted and exasperated, I just cried.

I woke up, finding my pillow wet with tears.  There’s only one door.  He’s smiling at me.  He said I’m having nightmares.  He could even hear me whisper his name.  When he asked me, I told him my peculiar dream.

He brushed my hair with his fingers and gave me a soft kiss.  He whispered in my ear, words that I’ve been longing to hear since I woke up…

“Sagapo, Rouie”.

I’ve set up a deadline for the month of September. I’m actually reluctant to set one. Especially because it’s about a part of me that I’ve kept underneath.

Last night, I was too tired and sleepy. Plus, I got pissed with the guy I was dating for calling me names. So when my classmate at OJT said the same thing to me, I exploded. Literally.

See, I hate being told that I live in my own world. True, my world is different from what any average person has but still, I don’t think that gives anyone the right to say negative things about it.

So, last night, when I went to sleep, there’s no other thought in my head but how pissed I was and how I’m going to talk to that guy.

While asleep, I dreamed about this guy who I don’t know that much. Our paths crossed, and he’ll leave soon. I like him coz he reminds me of my friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

And then I get to dream about him. It felt so real and I can still feel him.

Was it just a dream meant to remind me of my deadline? Or was it a dream that was supposed to show my innermost desires?

Piscean Mumble

Posted: February 23, 2008 in About Me, Fiction and Non-Fiction
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I’ve been busy… with work, with personal battles…  I’ve lost time to think, to feel the change in my environment.  I’m currently at lost, lost whether it’s time to move on… undecided whether I should stay.

There’s these attacks again.  Depression lurks.  Satirical thoughts, caustic words all haunt my sleep.  Vivid colors of different hues would turn into black and gray dreams.  Feelings evoked would range from sheer joy to pain.

I still don’t know the reason behind or what caused these dreams.  I’m slowly sinking in my anxiety.