Posts Tagged ‘Letting Go’

Getting There

Posted: October 2, 2014 in About Me
Tags: ,

It’s too soon to speak, but I am getting there.

It’s taken quite a while, but I am moving on.  Slowly…  I have to do this.  I don’t want to keep holding on to something that I should let go.  I think it’s about time I do it.

I started with leaving something I’ve had for years.  I had to do it.  Because keeping it would always tempt me to stay.

Now, I am trying to keep myself busy.  I need to focus all this energy into something else.  I am focusing on my work, my family and friends.  The way I should.

I still have a long way to go.  But I’m getting there…  Slowly, I am trying to forget.  Slowly, I am moving on.

Still You

Posted: September 16, 2014 in On Relationships
Tags: , , ,

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  It’s been weeks since I ended things between us but I still think of you… a lot.  Even the little things that has little connection to you makes me think of what I’d had with you.

I wanted to talk to you… and tell you that I miss you.  That I still love you.  Yet, I’m afraid that just like before, it won’t mean anything to you.

I’m already hurting now… and I can’t help but to hate myself for longing for someone who clearly does not feel the same.  The rational side of me wants to choose the one before you.  Because unlike you, he’s still here for me.  Even months after I ended things with him, and knowing I hurt him, he still choose to stay with me… Telling me that his feelings hasn’t changed.

It would be easier if I’ll just go back to him.  But I can’t.

Because despite knowing that it’s only me who’s hurting when I ended things with you, it’s still you.  It’s you that I’m still waiting for, though I know you don’t feel the same.  It’s still you that I want, despite knowing that you no longer want to do anything with me.

I’m starting to have hope… that somehow I will be okay.  That I just need more time, then I’ll be okay.

I’m starting to take away the feeling of love.  It has brought me nothing but pain.  I guess it’s time to accept the fact that it’s one of the things not meant for me.

I’m starting to pick up the shattered pieces of myself.  I needed to do this myself.  Because I can’t rely on anyone else.  From now on, it’s just me, myself, and I.

Just a few more tears, and a few more days to drown myself in dark thoughts.  I will move on.  I will be whole again.

And I know, I won’t be able to start with this, if not for my only knight and king…  Even in the afterlife, he’s still taking care of me, giving me the boost I need to pick myself up, dust myself off and face whatever it is coming my way.

Lahat ng alam ko, unti-unti nang nawawala.  Lahat ng tinangi ko, naubos at kinuha Niya agad.

Hanggang kailan ba bago ko maintindihan na tama na? Na hindi para sa akin ang anumang hangarin ko…

Mahigit isang taon na lang… Lampas isang taong paglalakad sa kawalan… Ilang buwan na lang ng pagtangis at pagpapanggap na masaya…

Tama, may katapusan ang lahat.

At ayoko mang aminin, hinahangad kong sana, iyon ay ngayon na.

i’ve been stupid when i’ve let you dominate my fantasy
i’ve been crazy when i believed you’d stay
now i’m awake, thanks to the pain you’ve caused
the wounds have healed, the hurt have ceased
sanity has come back, reality’s right here…

end of latest update…

i used to think that i can take anything that would come my way…
but then, i’ve stumbled on you along the darkest path i took.
you made me fall, made a few wrong choices, then left me alone.

have been mending this broken sanity…
heck, you made me become what i am now.
don’t blame me for the outcome.
blame yourself. you’re the cause.

as i continue taking this path i chose,
remind me not to pick up the pieces you’ve left
i’d rather be broken… i’d rather feel the pain…
coz wen i’m broken, i’m wiser.

end of first entry…

i’ve learned to cherish this special friend. although i haven’t seen him personally, i considered him as one of those people who had come beneath the surface of knowing me.

he even became my confidante. i shared my problems with him and he was ready to listen. he used to be my angel once… but now…

now, i’ve lost him. i dunno whether its my fault or his. i may be stubborn. but im still a private person. he’s my friend, true. he’s my confidante… another truth. but he need not know eveything about me. i’d let him in.. but it would be gradual… slowly… but worth it.

losing a friend like him is like losing a part of yourself. but i know life would let me meet other friends who would not impose anything from me.

i often wonder why people opted to let go of people they love just because of foolish reasons that in some way or another, can’t be a reason at all.

i can’t get it why people would let go when in fact, they love the person that much. it makes me wonder if love is not enough reason for them to stay. or if love is enough reason for them to let go.

and i find it all funny. coz im angry at those people who let the ones they love go, yet im one of them…

i’ve loved this guy for more than 2 years… but i let him go just recently coz he can’t commit. because his commitment belongs to his cause.

nagmahal ako ng isang crusader. one who

strongly believes in his cause. one who’s committed to his beliefs. honestly, it was one of his qualities that i’m proud of… not knowing that it would also be the reason for me to let him go.

hay…. its hard to let go of the one you love… lalo na for unusual reasons… mahirap lalo na kung talagang mahal mo ‘yung tao…

pero teka… hindi ba mas mahal mo ‘yung tao pag kaya mo siyang pakawalan para sa talagang ikasasaya n’ya? tama po ba?