Posts Tagged ‘Mea Culpa’

Masks and Flaws

Posted: March 25, 2011 in About Me
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I have my flaws… I know all of them.  But I have learned to embraced each of them.  I have learned to accept them.  Coz I know, each flaw defines who I am… and what my beliefs are.

I wear a lot of masks… Each one designed to hide what I truly feel.  Each one custom-made, perfected to be the ultimate cover-up.  Each individually created to suit me whenever I needed one.

Coz though I act tough, non-caring, and happy all the time, the things I really feel just piles up inside… waiting to be released.  Waiting to be let out.

So don’t hate me when I’m being stubborn… or acting like a child.  For all you know, it might be just one of my masks taking over what I really feel…  Hiding the soft shell inside.

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I am childish.  I know… and I’m not ashamed of it.  I may act like a child, talk like one, but I am far from being a child.  I just don’t want to lose the child in me.  Coz it helps me look for the goodness in everyone I meet and work with.

I am stubborn.  I won’t just obey and follow.  I would think first of the pros and cons before I do what I’m being told.  Being a front liner allowed me to experience things first-hand.  And I would need justification before I do whatever it is that you’d ask me to do.

I may be childish and stubborn.  I may have acted in ways one would never think of.  I may have even done things that I normally wouldn’t do.  But I am definitely the most real person one might know.

First, I am honest enough to break whatever bond we might have if I think/felt you’ve done me wrong…  I can’t bear to smile at people who’ve done me wrong.  I won’t act like I love being in your company when I hate every minute of it.  I’d rather be alone than be with someone I can’t bear.

I am not a back-stabber.  I’d rather keep my mouth shut if you’ve done me wrong.  I won’t go around telling people about you or something you’ve done.  I don’t need to do that.  If you really stink, people would notice it soon.

Lastly, I am not an A$S-KIS$ER.  I don’t have to do something just to please someone in a position to give me an advantage.  It was never my personality to be close to my bosses just to have an edge over something/someone.  I’m not a sucker for attention, nor am I a tattle-tale.

Yes, I am a child.  I’m stubborn.  I’m a brat.  But I’m not a scheming li’l b!tch who would hurt others just so I can have what I want.  I wouldn’t do harm to others for someone, say a boss, to notice me.

Hello Stranger

Posted: February 27, 2011 in About Me
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Never thought I’d see you again.  After all these years, you haven’t changed.  You’re still the same old lost soul I’ve met years ago.

Were you surprised to see me?  Well, I am.  Never thought you’d be here… in this place where you last saw me.

Remember that day?  It was mid-September.  You said it’s time.  You said it’s for the better.  I believed you then.

A couple of months later, you’re gone.  I never asked you to explain back then.  I surely don’t want to hear it now.

You haven’t changed.  But I’m no longer that kid who believes in the power of promises.  Besides, it was you who taught me unicorns aren’t real.  Right?

I Hate Mondays!

Posted: September 15, 2009 in About Me
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Yesterday was the start of the week.  I woke up early to prepare for my OJT.  It has been raining here in Marikina City, Philippines for days and so I readied myself with an umbrella and jacket.

Wearing my sturdy, old rubber shoes, I headed outside with my uncle.  I was only 2-3 feet away from our compound when I slipped.  Literally.

Can you imagine a big girl like me, a 210 lbs overweight girl slipping in slow motion?  Well, that’s what happened and even after seeing myself sprawled at the streets, I stayed motionless, thinking: “What the hell happened?”

I gazed at the streets, to see whether someone saw the incident, aside from my uncle, and I was not mistaken.  Near the corner where we are supposed to wait for a jeepney was someone who knew me. Damn!

After seeing that, and feeling embarrassed about what happened, I whole-heartedly laugh at what happened to me.  Swear, I was laughing up until boarding one jeep!

To add salt to the injury of my slipping, the guard told us that there’s no operations that day.  So, I have to go home and staying there will not be counted.  Double Ds!

I’m only blogging this now, since I slept early last night… wew!

Bilin

Posted: July 5, 2009 in About Me
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Spoiled ako at aminado ako dun. Dahil nga sa nasanay akong nakukuha lahat ng gusto ko, at kumilos ng wala sa edad ko, madalas akong pagbilinan ng kung anu-ano… Sa dinami-dami ng mga bilin na yun, ang mga sumusunod lang ang nag-iwan ng mga marka para sa akin sad

  1. “Things will be better in the morning” – Masarap isipin to lalo na kung problemado ka.. Sa gulo ng mundo ko, madalas akong sabihan ng ganito ng mga tropa ko. Pero di ko ito makakalimutan hindi dahil madalas itong sabihin sa akin. Madalas kong maalala ito dahil ito ang huling salita ni Mikail bago siya umalis..
  2. “Walang pipigil sa’yong umiyak. Gawin mo kung sa tingin mo’y makabubuti ito sa’yo” – Hangga’t maaari, ayokong ipakita ang kahinaan ko. Sa sandaling mapuno ako ay daig ko pa ang isang erupting volcano (I scream, I shout, I punch walls)… Simula nung natuto akong umiyak tuwing gabi (sa sulok ng aking kwarto), mas magaan ang pasok ng umaga.. parang bawat patak ng luha ay inilalabas ang anumang problema ko sa gabing yun…
  3. “Kapag di ka na masaya sa isang bagay, pakawalan mo na. Kapag pinilit mo pang hawakan yan, ikaw lang ang masasaktan at mahihirapan” – Dahil dito, sa sandaling maramdaman ko ang lungkot/galit para sa isang tao, lugar o pangyayari, iniiwasan ko ito. Hindi dahil duwag akong harapin sila ha.. Di ko lang makita ang sense ng pag-stay sa isang bagay na di naman nakapagdudulot ng saya..
  4. “One Satanic Rule: Don’t open your mouth when you have nothing good to say” – Ayan, eto ang isa sa pinakamahirap na sundin.. Lalo pa nga’t malakas akong mambasag, mangantyaw or manlait.. *hehe* Kahit sabihing Satanic Rule siya, may bahid naman ng katotohanan ang pahiwatig nya.

Ayan, ilan lamang yan sa mga laging ipinagbibilin sa akin… Tipong araw-araw, merong isa jan na laman ng text message sa akin.. Nakakatawa pero I’m starting to love ’em. Everyday guide na yung mga bilin na yan e.. *lol*

This Day’s Rants

Posted: July 1, 2009 in About Me
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– I’m still a little dizzy tonight. Will I be able to have some good sleep? Or will I be awake ’til tomorrow morning?

– F***! I’m still in the second chapter of the book I’m currently reading. I always get sleepy reading Umberto Eco’s Foucault’s Pendulum. Will I be able to finish it this month?

– I’m craving for a super cold soft drinks… I ended up drinking just plain old iced tea ‘coz of hyper acidity *as if Iced Tea isn’t acidic at all!*.

– I’m frustrated tonight. A promise was not fulfilled… I was actually looking forward to that promise. *Damn!*

– I’m sick and frustrated. If only cursing can take away all these negative feelings…

Emotions on the Run

Posted: June 28, 2009 in About Me
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I felt tired and beat from all the problems I’ve been facing since last month..

I felt cheated when I learned of my friend’s plan.. I’m not included! sad

I got angry coz my sister’s being so damn difficult again!

I was frustrated when one of my plans for today did not pushed through.

I’ve been glad with the way my other friends were trying to reach out.

I was surprised coz I got the correct number of dolphins in the image posted at http://chorvacheorvamus.blogspot.com/…

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Today’s been full of emotions. I wonder what tomorrow will bring? Will there be happiness? Sadness? Remorse? Or will it be joyous? Hmnn..