Posts Tagged ‘Moving On’

 

Sometimes, I find myself wishing for feelings to be mended and gaps closed…  sometimes I wish we can just pick up where the relationship ended.

I waited… planned to give chances.  Sometimes, I even thought of crossing lines in making sure I did whatever I could to save whatever I can.

But it’s not right.

In an effort to bring back what I lost, I failed to see the reason why I lost it.

I had been caught up with the illusion of my failed relationship, that I was willing to compromise.  I was willing to let someone come back, despite never believing in giving chances.

Since I was the one at fault, I thought that it was okay to break my own rule, let go of my own principle, just to make amends…  I have what-if scenarios wherein I am doing the right thing.

I almost gave in to the illusion.  From a recent conversation with him, my clouded judgement became clear.

And in that same moment, I decided to let go and finally move on.

I’m in between…
Torn between choices, unable to decide.
Same cons, different pros.
Yet, I’m still lost on which to choose.

I’m in between…
Standing at this crossroad,
Unsure which one to take.
Both looks the same.

I’m in between…
Should I be strong and keep this facade?
Or should I accept defeat and embrace the pain.
What should I pick?

I’m in between:
A part of me wants you to be here, with me…
Another wants to let things run its course…
And accept that this is the end.

I’m almost there…  I’ve wasted too much time thinking about it.  Never thought I’d get there.  But now, I am almost there.  Finally.

I’m almost done.  It may have taken longer than the usual but I’m finally through.  Almost.

I’m almost over the what ifs.  Almost, but not quite.  A part of me would still long for that good old times I’ve had with you.  But now I know they’re all just a part of memories I’d bury deep within.

Next Time

Posted: January 30, 2011 in About Me
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I thought it’s over.  I thought I’m okay without you.  I managed to limit myself from sending you messages for the last few months, and I succeeded..

So, why now?  Why now when I can finally control what I feel for you?

The minute I knew it was you, I felt the same things I felt for you before.  Everything came back.  I wanted to tell you that it’s still you.  But then you have to leave again.

It hurt.  Though you’ve promised we’ll talk longer next time, I declined.  I told you there will be no next time.  I’ve had enough of this pseudo-relationship.  I need to move on.

Then, you agreed.  Without even trying to fight my decision, you just agreed.  I never wanted you to.  I didn’t want it to be that way.  So while I was trying to think of ways to ask you to stay, you left… Like you always did.

I felt a sharp stab of pain.  I cried for you.  I waited for you to come back, to talk to me again.  But after more than a few hours, I knew…

It’s the beginning of a long-overdue moving on.

 

What happened to us, I don’t know.  It might not be what we wanted.  But I’d tell you this, I had fun.  And if I’d be at that same moment again, I’d still go with it.

Though short, and the ending isn’t what we wanted, the in-betweens were all worth it.

And so now, I bid you farewell…  The wounds will take time to heal.  But I’ll be okay, like you are now.  No, I won’t hold any grudges for the things you’ve said that day.  The moment’s over.

Update…

Posted: November 3, 2010 in About Me
Tags: , ,

Yeah, I’ve bailed out on my feelings for him… and instead, chose to hook up with the first girl I’ve met. It lasted for 2 weeks..

And right after, he comes back again… He no longer has that effect on me.

Coz whenever I choose to bail out and let go, I’m successful in killing whatever feeling that person made me feel.

When we talked again, it’s just another random chit-chat… A talk with a stranger.

Drama!

Posted: April 21, 2010 in Filipino (Tagalog) Posts
Tags: ,

Rest day ko ngayon… Kaiba talaga… para sa iba, kakasimula pa lang ng linggo. Pero para sa akin at sa mga kasama ko, katatapos lang ng isang linggong trabaho. Tipong, sa wakas! Natapos din ang isang linggong puro pagsagot ng telepono.

Mahirap pala ang buhay ahente. Bukod sa maiiba ang oras mo, mawawalan ka pa ng social life. Di lang yun, pati body clock mo, apektado!

In fairness, kinarir ko naman talaga siya. Pero sa kasalukuyan, ‘andito na ako sa puntong ayaw ko na talaga. Ha ha ha. Ang daming di ko pwedeng gawin. Madaming bagay na walang kasiguraduhan. Kaya nga sa isang buwan, aayaw na talaga ako. He he…

Bukod sa drama ng pagiging “call center agent” — mga Amerikanong naninigaw, umiiyak, galit na galit, nananakot.. hanggang sa mga super-sweet na “grannies”.. Kada sagot, kailangang ibahin mo rin ang pakikitungo.. Iibahin mo ang istilo ng pagsagot. Minsan firm, bawal panindak, minsan kailangang sweet. Ang hirap mag-adjust! Dahil minsan, sadyang may mga taong mahirap kausap… at dahil di ako sanay sa ganun, 2 beses na akong umiyak.

Ngayong rest day ko, ibang drama naman. Katatapos lang ng ilang oras na laugh trip. Katatapos ko lang magpakaaliw at magpakasawa sa pagpapaligo ng aking atay… Bawat tungga, iniisip ko ang pag-alis.. sa bawat pagbuga ng usok, iniisip ko ang umiyak at idaan dun ang lahat ng nararamdaman kong sama ng loob… Sa huli, nanaig ang kagustuhang kublihan lahat sa tulong ng isang tableta…

Isang ginintuang tableta, isang nakangiting maskara… Mistulang baliw sa pagtawa mag-isa. Ngayon, wala na epekto niya, anong drama na naman kaya ang mangingibabaw?