Posts Tagged ‘Myself’

Teaching Experience

Posted: October 25, 2016 in About Me, At Work
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The first semester of SY 2016-2017 marked my first time to teach in a classroom setting.  It was different from training, or teaching kids/young adults different how-to’s or arts/crafts.  Since I know I am strict, and quite demanding, I had to change that… Coz I wanted my first time to teach to be a smooth-sailing experience, I decided to be nice.

Here’s just some things I’ve learned during the few months of teaching:

  1. Things will always deviate away from your plan.  I am someone ruled by plans, to-do’s, checklists, etc.  So I admit, I got a bit upset that despite giving school works in advance, some would still submit late… Or worse, not submit at all.
  2. Once in a while, it is okay to chase someone to give you what you asked.  Okay, so this may seem a bit like hugot but the thing is, I am not the type who will chase after someone just so he/she can submit his/her task. Hindi nga ako naghabol sa mga naging ka-on ko e, pero naranasan kong maghabol ng estudyante.  In a typical setting, if someone did not submit their task, then it’s their loss.  But in school setting, you have to give chances, follow up, and chase students to submit requirements.  You should also talk to them, to know possible difficulties, get the reason why they can’t submit or why it was late.
  3. You need to have tons of patience.  Anyone who knows me, knew that I am not a very patient person.  I value time too much.  I have schedules and plans that I need to adhere to.  Despite loving heavy and loud rock music, too much noise from incessant talking irks me.  True, there are a few times that I scolded the class, and even changed some things because of too much noise.  But most of the time, you just have to bear it.

Those are just some it.  There’s quite a lot of things I’ve learned, but it’s more of how different people behave, how I should act, and how I should treat others.  I won’t go into details about each of them because I am still sorting them… whether it’s something I should retain, revise, or reject.

Still, I am glad to have the opportunity to teach.  I’ve met a few good people – teachers and students alike.  I am thankful and glad that I’ve met them.  I am looking forward to more teaching opportunities… and probably start my journey towards the reason why I did this shift in the first place.

Inside

Posted: October 9, 2016 in About Me, Poems, Random Thoughts
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I tried to keep it from showing
Each day I fake a smile
Just to keep it within

I kept to myself and pushed people away
And hid in a bubble of uncertainty
Desperately pushing it deep within

But the darkness inside me is stronger
It’s clawing its way out
Demanding to be released

——————————————————————–

An unfinished poem started back in February 2015… Been cleaning my files, and here’s something I have forgotten until today.

And here I am, more than a year after, but the darkness is still trying to come out. Been successful keeping it at bay – by focusing on the things I wanted to do… I’ve been successful so far. For how long, I don’t really know.

But I’ll try to keep on fighting this, because I am more than my DDS… I am more than what I think I am… And this darkness clawing its way out is just the part of me that I’ve buried with time.

 

  • Things may not go always as planned.  I should never stopped having back-ups.
  • Family is everything.  It doesn’t have to be just blood relatives.
  • My craft has been shelved – to give way to something not too important nor fulfilling.
  • Time is valuable – never take things for granted.
  • Overthinking helps in decision making.  But don’t overwork your brain.
  • Relationships come and go.  Never ask for anyone to stay.

And after all these days, after all these whirlwind of nauseous circumstances, I realized that it’s important to:

  • always keep my options open; and
  • never believe in anything, unless it’s in fine print.

Hello 2015

Posted: January 12, 2015 in About Me
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New Year, new beginnings…

That’s what I always thought. I guess after years of hits and misses, I’m excused to be this way.

I didn’t welcome you with open arms…  I didn’t became as excited as I was the years before. I’ve become pessimistic… all because reality bites. It’s brought nothing but cynicism… indifference.

Hello 2015… what luck do you have in store for me? Am I going to have the same sort of luck I’ve been getting?

Craziness

Posted: October 7, 2014 in About Me
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With a crazy new work with strict rules and measured performance, I’m about to lose my cool.

Add the fact that my personal side is still on the mend, I’m running out of ways to keep myself collected.

I wonder when will I get past all these crap?

I wonder when I will finally say I’m over him?

I wonder when I will finally have the job that would keep me challenged, focused, and wanting for more?

Oh, and all these thoughts in my head, they wanted out.

I think I need one crazy night… To let go of all inhibitions, to act without care.  To do things without thinking of consequences.

Yep, the craziness I’ve kept inside for years, wants to be out.  For good.

Someone, help me? 🙂

I’ve dreamt of the past… Of someone I have loved with all my being.  The only person who made me feel like I can do anything, believe in my self and that I’m strong.  But somewhere along the way, I lost him.  I lost him when we’re supposed to be happy… He was taken away by Death, taken to make me realize that I don’t deserved to be happy…

I’ve dreamt of the now… Of the person I’m starting to fall for.  It was a good dream.  A dream meant to make the heart flutter and think of happy endings.  Sad thing, it’s just a dream.  The reality is far from it.

I’ve dreamt of the monster inside me… the darkness I have tried keeping inside.  In that dream, I’ve let it loose… wreaking havoc in my life.  I’ve seen it taking over, finally taking over its claim.  I felt the raw angst, the aggression, the disregard for anything good.  I’ve seen how she looked at me, how she thinks so little of me.  The monster laughing in triumph with me losing my last shards of sanity.

I’ve been bothered by these recent dreams.  They all occurred in the same night.  No amount of distraction can take them off my mind.  My lifeline’s been busy…  My angels have seemingly lost their wings.

And here I am, trying hard not to sleep at night, to keep them away… To keep my thoughts clear.

But I know, my efforts were all futile.

Over-Thinking…

Posted: July 31, 2014 in Random Thoughts
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I am guilty of this.  I over-think a lot.  Even on things where I’m supposed to feel, I am thinking.

Sometimes I wish I would stop this.  But my thoughts would always run on hyper-speed…  Analyzing things, trying to come up with different scenarios in my head…

At times it brings good… Because it helps in anticipating future scenarios… And coming up with decisions is easy, without the hassle of having feelings affect my choices.  Sometimes, things get boring… Like watching movies or reading books.  Over-thinking has enabled the prediction of endings possible.

My rational side loves being an over-thinker… But a part of me wants to just have the easy way out…

And just like always, my head would win…  I’ll find myself over-thinking again.