Posts Tagged ‘Personality’

Desolate

Posted: February 18, 2016 in About Me, Poems
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Believe me, I tried.
I did all I could.
Different parts of me died.
And I am left in the cold.

Believe me, I tried.
I fought with all I’ve got.
No one’s at my side.
Winning is such a long shot.

Believe me, I tried.
I’ve bled and scarred.
Fate got my hands tied.
My outer shell, marred.

Now there’s just emptiness inside.
My dreams ruined and set aside.
With a grim heart, sadness intensified.
Melancholy, the only thing I exemplified.

Craziness

Posted: October 7, 2014 in About Me
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With a crazy new work with strict rules and measured performance, I’m about to lose my cool.

Add the fact that my personal side is still on the mend, I’m running out of ways to keep myself collected.

I wonder when will I get past all these crap?

I wonder when I will finally say I’m over him?

I wonder when I will finally have the job that would keep me challenged, focused, and wanting for more?

Oh, and all these thoughts in my head, they wanted out.

I think I need one crazy night… To let go of all inhibitions, to act without care.  To do things without thinking of consequences.

Yep, the craziness I’ve kept inside for years, wants to be out.  For good.

Someone, help me? 🙂

I Changed

Posted: January 19, 2013 in About Me
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I used to fight.  I used to do whatever I can to get what I want.  I used to push through with what I want… what I need…

And then I found myself just conforming to the norms…  Taking whatever’s on my plate.  Though I hate it, and squirm at the mere thought of it.

I learned compromise.  I learned to be embrace the water in me.

And this time, the water is way too aggressive.  Putting off the fiery one in me.

OCPD

Posted: March 27, 2011 in About Me
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I brush my teeth twice, wash my hands twice, I hate dirt, I want everything listed.  I do things always with a pattern, and tries to balance everything – from columns in a spreadsheet, to my stack of books.  I want to be on top of things.  I want every item on my desk in order – those that I always need goes to my right.  Those that I seldom need goes to my left.

Yes, I’m an OC.

Don’t get me wrong.  By OC, I’m referring to Obsessive–Compulsive Personality Disorder.  It’s a personality disorder characterized by perfectionism, preoccupation with order, and the seemingly need for control.

It’s not something that I’m proud of.  But it’s one of my flaws that I have learned to accept.  At times, it affected my work and my relationships.  Once, I cried coz while at work, a coffee was accidentally splashed onto my foot…  Had a failed relationship years ago because our ideas clashed.  He felt like I could’ve bend a little to give way to his suggestion, but since it falls under my no-no list, I declined.

Being an OC caused me to lose some things that matter… It also caused me to keep invaluable items.  But then, it’s not something that I can just let go or change.  It requires a lot of time and effort… and they’re not something I can afford right now.  Maybe, when the time’s right, I can let go of my OC nature… Until then, I’ll just get comfy with it.

Not Afraid

Posted: November 21, 2010 in About Me
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I’m not afraid to make mistakes… to go out of norms just to prove my point.

I have my own way of thinking, my own line of thought. I have my own rules, and I’m not afraid to break the rules of society.

I’m tired of going with the flow. And I think it’s time for me to move on my own.

I’m not afraid to fail. They make me better.

I’m only afraid of falling, of commitment.

‘Cause I don’t think anyone’s brave enough to walk the same path I’m threading. I don’t think there’s anyone out there who’d want to reach behind the walls of my existence.

Isa akong bato.
Walang emosyon, walang pakiramdam.
Kaya kong manakit,
Pero di pwedeng masaktan.

Isa akong bato.
Naghihintay ng malakas na hangin.
Yung kaya akong dalhin..
Kaya akong tibagin.

Isa akong bato.
Nag-aabang ng malakas na ulan.
Nais na magpatangay
Sa agos ng tubig.

I Am… v.2

Posted: November 3, 2010 in Fiction and Non-Fiction
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… a Child.

An adult on the outside but a kid on the inside.

A resident of fantasy, a realistic pessimist.

 

… a Writer.

I weave poems, and stories…

Playing with words and rekindling emotions.

 

… a Hedonist.

Treating each day as if it’s my last.

I demand euphoria, not settling for just happiness.

 

… a Reader.

I try to learn from different books, magazines, and articles.

I don’t like the feeling of being ignorant.

 

…a Pretender.

I’ve mastered the art of hiding behind a mask.

I don’t want anyone to see the person behind each persona.

 

… a Blogger.

I post my thoughts, my rants, and raves.

It’s my gateway to fantasy and gatekeeper of my sanity.