Posts Tagged ‘Self-Image’

I’m starting to have hope… that somehow I will be okay.  That I just need more time, then I’ll be okay.

I’m starting to take away the feeling of love.  It has brought me nothing but pain.  I guess it’s time to accept the fact that it’s one of the things not meant for me.

I’m starting to pick up the shattered pieces of myself.  I needed to do this myself.  Because I can’t rely on anyone else.  From now on, it’s just me, myself, and I.

Just a few more tears, and a few more days to drown myself in dark thoughts.  I will move on.  I will be whole again.

And I know, I won’t be able to start with this, if not for my only knight and king…  Even in the afterlife, he’s still taking care of me, giving me the boost I need to pick myself up, dust myself off and face whatever it is coming my way.

I’ve gone a long way… I never thought I can make it this far… Considering that years ago, I thought of ending everything.

29 years and counting… 12 years after losing everything I value.  The pain’s still here, the memories still haunting.

I’ve learned new things, I’ve created new masks…

And with each passing year, pretending is the only thing constant.


Posted: March 1, 2013 in About Me

She was born out of darkness… of lies and deceit.  She grew up seeing pretenses, harboring false hopes.

When it was time for her to have a mind of her own, she chose to believe in the light.  In what normal people say happiness… She acted the way every one would thought for a teenage girl to behave – God fearing, obedient, and respectful.

But the darkness seems to follow her.  Year after year, she encountered blows which rendered her weak… Her insides shattered.  The girl learned how to be tough.  And she started creating masks…

It’s almost 3 decades; she’s still wearing masks to hide what she really feels.  The shadows continue to haunt her… Baiting her with fallacies of light, luring her with flickers of hope.

And after almost 29 years, maybe it’s time to embrace the shadows she was born with…

Letting Go

Posted: January 31, 2013 in About Me
Tags: , , ,

She stares at her… brown eyes wide but listless. She saw her lips curl to a smile, issuing a silent challenge. She decided to keep her stance, not wanting to blink… thinking all will be well soon.

The stare-down continues… With every minute, her insides want to scream. The girl in front of her seems to be glad of her agony.

She can no longer keep up. She stared down at her hands, reached for her phone and threw it on the mirror in front of her. The mirror exploded in pieces, shards flying in all direction. She watched as she saw her reflection’s eyes grow wide with fear.

Her fingers trembling, she picked up a shattered glass. With a deep breath to calm her raging emotions, she pushed its sharp edge to where all hurt is coming from.

She stifled her cry… and let the warmth of rushing blood lull her to sleep.