Posts Tagged ‘Smoking’

Smoke-Free

Posted: August 9, 2009 in About Me
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I have not smoked any cigarette for 3 days. Does this mean my smoker days are over?? Well, I kinda miss it. But some friends are keeping their fingers crossed!

Two years ago, I decided to stop it in an instant. I successfully did it for 2 days. On the third day, I started craving for a stick. I was not able to control myself.

Back then, I can only quit for 2 days. On the 3rd day, I’d begin to feel symptoms of withdrawal. This time, there’s no withdrawal symptoms… No dry throat, no shaking. I just hope this would continue.

I think?

 

 

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A Sip and A Puff

Posted: August 8, 2009 in About Me
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I love coffee. A day won’t pass without me having at least 2 cups of it. There’s nothing more wonderful than having a cup of strong coffee plus cigarettes… Yes, cigarettes.

It has been my breakfast for almost 5 years now. Every morning, I’d fill my favorite mug with black coffee, no sugar and cream. Then, I’ll light a stick of Marlboro Lights (Gold).

While sipping coffee, I’d puff my cigarette… I’m addicted to its aftertaste. Actually, my favorite would be brewed coffee, with lots of sugar and cream plus a stick or two of Marlboro…

It’s a wonderful breakfast for me.. Yummy!

 

Nicotine Free

Posted: August 7, 2009 in About Me
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I have not smoked any cigarette since yesterday.

Am I finally letting go of my smoking habit??

I hope not!

I have been smoking since high school.

And I plan to stop after a year or two.

Tomorrow, if the whole day would pass without me craving for any stick, even a small puff…

I’m sure to stop smoking!

 

… some sort of craziness. Something that would take me out of my norm and let me be free. I want to slip away from this sanity because I fear I’m not living my life the way I wanted it to be.

… some peace. Inner ones that can make me sleep easily. Peace that would cast away my doubts and make me feel serene.

… some spark. A simple glow. Something to look for at the end of this dark maze.

… to drink and smoke. To drown the sobs. To let go of the frustrations.

different thoughts broke the silence of my senses while i was smoking. i was trying to clear my mind of things that’s been haunting me for the past years of my existence… but my efforts were lost when that thought crossed my mind.

i have been living my life for 21 years, and almost two weeks… and was there anything i’ve done that i could be proud of? heck, i tried to force myself to smile when i suddenly thought of that stupid question…

honestly, i have tried to plan things for myself. but my plans were nothing but whimsical dreams i have woven for myself to believe in. plans which were mere reasons for me to stay in this mortal realm where pain is more likely to be felt.

yep… pain. the kind of pain that shatters the soul… the inner being that lies deep beneath a person. the same pain that has taught me to be what i am right now.

21 years and pain still fuels my will to stand up and never give up. all for the hope that one day, i wouldn’t feel it. thinking that i could get numb of it.

who would have thought that at this point, i am at the brink of losing my grip of reality? all those years, i was able to fool people around me. i was able to let them see that i was happy… that i was smiling. they didn’t know that those smiles were nothing but masks that is pasted to make others believe that i’m okay. those who were able to see behind that mask left me for according to them… i am “melancholy” in its mortal form…

that’s enough. i couldn’t just go on and bare myself to you. you know me enough to see that these thoughts would lead to another set of questions, realisms, and hopes that would or might fuel my existence for the coming year…

besides, i still need to light another cigarette…